I see it happen all the time.
It happens with my clients. It happens with clients of my colleagues. People come to us to get help and support and then find ways to sabotage their path – the very definition of playing small.
Now, to be fair, my clients come to me because they’re already stuck and want help to stop sabotaging themselves. So, I know I’m going to hit these walls with them. However, I see some resounding, repetitive ways that people play small, and I want to share 3 of these with you.
You may see yourself in one or more of these and it may make you uncomfortable. That’s good!
But, I’m not going to simply share these with you, I’m going to give you pointers on how to move yourself past them.
Hang tight, because here we go:
1. You surround yourself with people who crush your power.
I know, I know.
They’re your friends. They’re your family. They’re your life-long, soul-something…whatever.
But these soul sucking, dream zapping zombies (okay, was that too harsh?) are talking about the same old stuff, filled with negativity and drama. They don’t believe in your vision and everything that happens in their life is someone else’s fault…maybe even yours.
Be honest. Cross your heart and hope to die (ok, not really…but no crossing your fingers!) – do you honestly believe that none of their nonsense rubs off on you? None of it?
Of course it does!
Now, I’m not talking about completely cutting yourself off from your current friends and family, but you can certainly cut down on your interaction time with them.
More importantly, start building relationships with people that fill your soul, believe in you and see your vision even bigger than you do! Ahhh, you can feel your inner power building already just thinking about it…can’t you?!
2. Allowing your circumstances and pride prevent you from getting the help and support you need.
Be honest with yourself.
Do you feel fulfilled in your life? Have you reached the pinnacle of where you want to be? Because what I’ve found is that the most successful people in the world got help to get there and still get help now because there’s always an area of their life to work on. That means all of us (you, me, everyone) that wants to get the most out of life, needs help and support to get there. Why? Because left to our own devices, it’s harder to see the truth in ourselves.
But the real question is: So, are you getting it? Are you getting the help you need? Or do you tell yourself (just like I have in the past) that you can figure it out or that you don’t have the money, time, energy, etc to get the help and support you need?
You struggle. People struggle. But you don’t have to!
However, there is always something that you have to be willing to give up in order to gain something in your life. In college, you gave up time, money and sleep to get an education. What are you willing to let go of to get where you want in your personal life?
When are you ready to stop struggling and start doing? And don’t tell yourself that you can’t. Because you can. I’ve done it and I’ve seen countless others do the same. Stop telling yourself an old story that keeps you small and start telling yourself a new one. Find a way around your excuses.
3. When you get input on your life, you come up with reasons why you can’t change.
Really?
Okay. You need help. You asked for help. You paid for help. Then you aren’t committed to making the suggested changes?
Does that make sense?
If you TRULY want help and want your life to go differently, then you HAVE TO allow yourself to get uncomfortable. Be ready to face your fears. Be ready to be challenged.
Don’t accept what you think your limitations are…because they only exist in your mind.
You deserve your best effort in order to be your best!
It’s time to say YES to YOU!
It’s time to kick your “stuck” to the curb, face down your fears and light a fire in your life. It’s time to Reset Your Life.
How did this article impact you? Anything to add? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you!
Be BOLD and Kick Your “Stuck” to the Curb™
Wow!! The excuses factor! I am so attuned to the soul sucking factor you talk about. I used to wonder if I was being anti-social. But, I then realized that I was sensitive to the fact that some people around me were causing more drama and turmoil than actually contributing to my life in a positive way> I want to be able to contribute to the life of others as well but some times you can only do that if they are open to it. Great article. via UBC
In fact, I would say that ALL of the time, if someone isn’t open to the contribution, they can’t hear it. However, it doesn’t mean that your contribution can’t be a seed in their life that bounces around until they are ready to receive it. But, if you spend too much energy here, they throw all the seeds out. BTW – we’re all anti-social in the wrong group of people. 🙂 Thanks!
I find all of your points provide value however #1 resonates the most for me because I have been dealing with this of late. And yes I am seeing less of many of my friends and making new connections in my plan to move forward. Thanks for the post. Best Regards, Wendy UBC
Those are all good points.
I always liked the quote, “It is better to be kind than by right.” A lot of times people hold onto the desire to be right that they start to play small.
Criticism is tough! From an early age, many people are taught,”If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” – later in life, many have translated that to this: “I have a different opinion or thought about that, but I better keep it to myself, because that wouldn’t be perceived as nice” – debilitating. Thanks for your comment!
So true Deidre! I love it “soul sucking, dream zapping zombies”, I call them “naysayers” but I like this SO MUCH BETTER! 🙂
I really resonate with these steps…so true that letting pride get in the way of reaching out and asking for help where you need it is so destructive and I think we need to constantly be reminded that surrounding ourselves with people who don’t “get” us or understand our life’s mission is ultimately counter-productive.
Thank you! Thank you.
Susan
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Susan M. Baker
Escape Hatcher
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Susan, I’m so glad you resonated with the steps and took the time to leave a comment. It sounds like you’ve found your path!
Diedre, what a powerful post. And I’ve been guilty of all these three at different points in my life. The first one has been especially difficult for me…allowing myself to part ways with those who weren’t really supporting me with my dreams. That kind of toxicity can be very dangerous when following our hearts. Thanks for the great reminder!
Puja, the 1st one is by far the most difficult because I’m sure that you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. However, one of the ways to approach this is to think about the damage that is occurring against you as long as you allow the toxicity in your life. Good luck with your dreams!!
People who crush your power – I call them Dream Killers & the most lethal are the well-intentioned people who love you very much!
Great reminder. We can’t hear this message enough Thanks!
Adrienne, it’s the ones that love us the most and think that they’re protecting us that are the hardest to deal with! And, it is important to keep in mind that they are not only potentially lethal but are also confused. Don’t ever let them be “Dream Killers” in your world. Thanks!!
I think I’ve faced every challenge you mentioned here at some point, and some challenges never go away. The most important thing I have to remember is exactly what you stated “you HAVE TO allow yourself to get uncomfortable.” Great article Deidre!
You nailed it, Kemya! I think it’s important to recognize that “some challenges never go away”, we face the old ones and we’ll face new ones. It’s important to keep an open mind, keep moving forward and protect the path that we’re moving on.
This is great! When I started my own business two years ago, I found that I had to let some people go. Now I am glad that I did. You have to leave behind what you don’t need to make room for what you do.
Good for you, Nina! This is by far one of the most difficult steps. And, congratulations on your business!
Oooh, you’ve hit three really good stuck reasons! Thank you for speaking the truth with clarity and humor…helps to get the message past my “watchdog” conscious mind. 😉
Thanks, Jen! I’m glad you enjoyed the read and I hope you’ll be back!
That’s why I only entertain positive thoughts. Nothing more.