What is the trauma that you have overcome?
Wow. So here we go…
I was under the distinct impression that my parents didn’t want me. I was hospitalized in first grade for two weeks for pneumonia. In third grade, my family was building a house on a 15 acre lot and my parents decided that it was too much to take care of me while I was in school. They made arrangements with the local gas station owner (Ora and Major Cowgill) to sleep, bathe and eat at their house during the school week. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay with my parents and began a cycle of trying to get in their good favor to get back with my family.
A lot of my memories are still repressed. I do remember being so very glad that our family had dogs, because I knew that they loved me. They would wag their tails when I came home, lick my face and lie with me on the grass under the sun.
I was rarely hugged or told that I was loved. In fact, my sister and I began to hate when our mother would come home because we knew that she would find something wrong with how we conducted our day.
At the age of 12, I was molested by a 19 year old over an entire summer and threatened to be beaten to death if I told anyone about him. At one point, he actually held a 2×4 board over my head to indicate just how serious he was. At thirteen, a farmer in town hugged me put his tongue in my mouth until I finally got away.
At 17, one of my relatives (an uncle by marriage), fondled my breasts. I became convinced that all men only wanted sex. In my twenties, I was raped twice.
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I don’t want to leave you here. This isn’t where I am anymore and I don’t want you to stay here either. So, pay attention to this quote by Maya Angelou:
“Someone was hurt before you;
wronged before you;
beaten before you;
humiliated before you;
raped before you;
yet, someone SURVIVED”
I survived and so have so many others. In fact, I’ve not only survived but I’ve thrived!
Sometimes it’s a good idea to look back and see how far you’ve come to realize just how strong you are. And, you are strong. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself and have someone else remind you.
Let go and see!
Deidre Hughey