When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
~Catherine Ponder
Many times, we can feel completely justified in our lack of forgiveness of other individuals. In fact, it doesn’t take looking very far into people’s stories to discover that the capacity that we have to hurt other people is beyond bounds.
“He raped me.”
“She made me feel worthless.”
“It’s all his fault that I can’t have a healthy relationship.”
“She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”
Take a moment to think about a person or situation that you are still holding onto. Think about the reasons why you won’t forgive the person or people in your story.
Think about it. You may still be able to feel the pain from the circumstance as you recall the incident or repeated incidences. It may bring tears to your eyes or bitterness to your heart. If you’ve expressed it to your friends, they may have justified your need to hold onto your anger, rage, bitterness or disappointment – they endorsed your lack of forgiveness.
Whether the person or persons that are the recipients of your lack of forgiveness are deserving or not is not important here, what is important is how it’s affecting you. And don’t be fooled, it is affecting you. It’s amazing to me just how debilitating the lack of forgiveness can be. Physically, it can cause headaches, ulcers, or irritable bowel syndrome. By prolonging your anger, the stress of holding your grudge can, over time, cause such serious effects as stroke or heart disease. Mentally, a lack of forgiveness can cause impairment of judgment, a feeling of “losing control” of your life or as serious as causing depression or suicidal thoughts.
You are the victim of your lack of forgiveness.
Over time, not forgiving can lead to you making decisions that keep you in the victim role. It doesn’t seem right, but not forgiving other people’s indiscretions or wrong-doings doesn’t hurt them, it hurts you.
So what do you do if you can’t see a way to forgive?
All through the month of October, that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in my blog posts. I hope you’ll join me, ask questions, make comments and help others if you’ve already forgiven. Letting go of your hurt also means that you let go of your role as a victim.
Let go and see!
Be BOLD and Kick Your “Stuck” to the Curb™
Deidre, what a great topic and your post was so right on about how NOT forgiving can harm the person that is holding on to the pain, forever. We hear stories about people who have been hurt and they forgive instantly, they know that they must to carry on. Others just can’t, no matter how hard they try, they give it up and it always comes back to them. Don’t let it consume you, because if you don’t deal with it, it will. It will take your life, and everything in it if you let it. Even though we don’t like to hear this question, it is so powerful….what did you accomplish by holding on? Was your intention to hurt them more than they hurt you? It just doesn’t work that way ~ it is actually completely opposite.
Can’t wait to read your next post!
Thanks for all you do!
Thanks, Mica! It’s interesting because in the midst of our pain, the ability to forgive seems to disappear…and in some ways, I think it allows us to find ways to heal. However, there comes a time when holding onto our anger is no longer healing, but debilitating. Thanks for commenting!
I think this is one of the reasons (there are many others too) that we stay so busy in massage therapy. Thank you for posting this and reminding us all to move on because we are only hurting ourselves. Thanks so much Deidre. xxoo
Elizabeth – I think you’re probably right! Fortunately, there are people like you that can help us to find ways to alleviate our pains for whatever the reason. Certainly, the quicker we can learn to move on and let go of our stresses, the healthier our minds and bodies will be. Thanks, Elizabeth!
This reminds me of another of my favorite quotes: “Resentment and revenge is like swallowing poison in the hopes that it will kill the other person.” And of course it does not and we suffer instead.
Nice thought provoking post!
Ooooh, Kathy, that’s a good one! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. 🙂
Thanks for the info
Mantra? Yes! Everything that happens benefits me. Oh, it might be a matter of making lemonade out of lemons, but I prefer to ask for tequila and salt. With my mantra, it’s a foregone conclusion that even though something may seem not so good at the time, it is actually the best thing, because Everything that happens benefits me.